Marianne Williamson should have just tagged me me when she said “our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” I just feel like- if you want to talk about me, be direct. This whole time I did not know who she was talking to. See, I, enjoy the art of minding my business. There is no reason why she, or anyone would be in any book or space speaking on me; but there she goes, sending subliming shots. We’ll we don’t even respect indirect shots where I am from @MARIANNEWILLAMSON. Just “@catriceadu” next time. Or better yet- please call me, obviously you know a lot.
I genuinely don’t know what it is about me, but I have ALWAYS presented as confident. Every person who has met me, tells me, either they cannot read me or that I exude a fire. Which is amazing. I love it. Now, I am recognizing how to use it.
Imagine my surprise when I realized I was my biggest opp.
One thing I will always say- is that moving was the best thing that has happened to me. For me, It never mattered where I moved to it just mattered that I made movement. I was never one to worry about where I went, I felt as long as I had a means of living I would always be good… Life has taught me, even without the means of living, I will always be good. So there is a little update to that!
The first time I encountered the in opp me was shortly after I moved to the DMV. For some odd reason during my transition my phone would do this thing where it would die, or lose service at the most inconvenient times. It really bothered me because, I was new so I heavily relied on my phones GPS. Also, I did a lot of Instacart when I first moved out here to make extra cash. Well. One night I was driving around and my phone did the thing again where, it died and I had no GPS.
It was dark, and I am black.
I ended up in what I now know was the Potomac, MD area. Now, before moving here, I came from a Suburb. If someone were to ask me if I had ever seen a big house, I would have said yes. Visiting different family members, friends in school, and even some people considered my mothers home big.
LET ME TELL YALL HOW I AINT NEVER seen NO mansion (double negatives for maximum effect) like the ones I saw that night. I noticed was that these people had big money. So they kept their outside lights on, ALL throughout the night. F a light bill. (the houses were so big I had to come out of character to explain)
As I drove through these neighborhoods intrigued, I was TERRIFIED. when I tell you, I kept driving because I didn’t want to be there. Now I didn’t know, where I was, but I know that I felt that I wasn’t supposed to be there. I made things up like, what if I hit one of their mailboxes, I cant afford to fix it. I need to go! Eventually someway, some how I made it out. I went back to the city where I knew, and was comfortable and slept. The next morning I woke up and reflected on the experience. I had to ask myself, why I was afraid, and how I expected to inhabit such land with such a behavior. Ghanaians would have called me a big krasinee (villager) the way I was so shocked and afraid. Seeing how uncomfortable made me unhappy I didn’t know that affluence had this effect on me.
I decided that morning, that last night was too dark as in the sky, and metaphorically . I was going back. This time I would take my time and look at the area. I would make myself comfortable. It became a thing I did frequently, and I went back often. I had specific streets and houses I liked to go through, I knew the neighborhood. Even took friendthere sometimes. I wanted them to get comfortable too!
Listen I don’t want to say street names cause in my head “my peoples” live over there, but please know this! Potomac MD, yeah thats MY hood.
My next brush with my opp-tics (opp+antics, please keep up) was when I moved out of the DMV and into Maryland. My Landlord, is so kind. He offered to help me transport my bed in his pick up truck. So one day as we were in his truck. He struck up a conversation, asking if I gambled. Now if you say gamble, I envision men, drinking with some dice or something. So, I said no. Well, chile that is not what he was talking about. He began to tell me about the Mega millions, and how at that time the lottery was at 8million or something.
This was the 2024 New year Mega Millions drawing, for the new year. He told me that it was always people like me, who never played and did it on a one off who ended up winning. We discussed the process, since this was never something I even thought of except for the occasional ‘oh I want to win the lottery (just for chatting sake).’ I didn’t even know how to buy a ticket, so we went to buy the lottery tickets.
It is so funny because I always find myself in the oddest situations, here I am, bust down middle part 20 inch tickling my… you know. With a white man in his 70s in a pickup truck going to buy Lottery tickets, this is what MLK wanted!
The drawing was actually taking place new years day. I moved into my Apartment officially on Jan 1. Can you believe I got home and that night, I DID NOT SLEEP. I was SCARED. The very thought that I potentially had a million dollar ticket was crazy.
Now please know that I believe I will win the lottery I talk about it all the time, so when it happens everyone will say she DID say this. Even at work, we had a gratitude wall. I put ‘I am thankful that I won the lottery.’ Don’t be confused when it happens I am actually telling you, right now, in writing.”
I thought about so many things, how will I tell my parents, who will I tell. I need to move, I wont be safe.. every bad thing that could happen, even my landlord who told me to go get the ticket I was now afraid of him, what if I win when he asks me about it, should I tell him? I noticed it felt comfortable to all be losers together than to be a winner.
Winners are actually the odd one out.
I didn’t win THAT ONE. And shortly after my dad asked me to do something money related that made me decide when I win, I wont even tell him.
After realizing that I didn’t have the winning ticket. I sat with myself and I said, baby girl, whats exactly is wrong with you? Look at how you tore yourself apart at the potential of being a millionaire, how will millions locate you? I decided I would give the mega millions a year of my time. Because how will I win, if I don’t play? I also decided on the perfect plan for when I do win. Very very low key. But the blog will ACTIVATE, and you will be reading about it.
Those experiences made me realize that I never actually thought of myself in extremely successful situations. And I am happy that I challenged myself in those situations and wasn’t just comfortable with my fear. The thought of anything scaring me like that without my permission, bothers me. I don’t know if its the NY in me but I cant be anyone’s son, definitely not fears. So Ms. Marianna Williamson, write about that! How even when I experience fear, my fear fears me.
I want to challenge you, fren. To actually plan, and or envision yourself in the most extremely successful situation. What does it feel like? What are your prayers like in that position, pray those prayers.
Sometimes we don’t even know how we limit ourselves. If you want to take it up a notch go walk through the affluent neighborhoods. If you drive don’t go and hit anyone’s mailboxxxxx Drive safe. And probably don’t sit in your care and take pictures- that is weird. It is a time for you, just you, to take it all in and believe that it is yours, and will be yours.
If anyone were to ask me before these experiences if I wanted a million dollar house or to win the lottery I would have said yes. Not knowing, that there was a part of me that was actually afraid of those things. That ignorance was dangerous. What if it caused me to subconsciously make decisions to keep the very things I wanted for my life, away from me.
If your pastor doesn’t want you to buy lottery tickets, that their cup of tea. The ticket is really not even about winning, let that potential be in your mind, hold that potential in your hands. Prayers differ, the prayer of the poor person, the rich person or the person who is potentially a millionaire differ. And if you really get yourself in the mindset, you will not even pray the same.
If you don’t like money and big houses. Literally bye. This is not your safe space.
OK laters babe
Signed
Managing Millions
